I hope everyone had a great Memorial Day weekend. My family and I traveled to Utah on Saturday and spent the morning looking for a truck for my husband. Every farmer needs a truck, right? We were successful (thank goodness) and were able to meet up with my two cousins and their spouses/children for lunch at Goodwood. We rarely eat out  (living 45 minutes from civilization helps with that) and when we do, it’s usually to grab a sandwich. I hate trying to decide what to eat, because I know there are so many hidden ingredients lurking in every dish. However, I was excited this time because I had a craving to fulfill.

For the past couple of weeks I have been NEEDING meat. I’m really not a big meat eater. At all. I eat a lot of fish and some chicken, but that is about the extent of it. Because my NEED for meat was so persistent, I decided to just go for it. I ordered baby back ribs for lunch. They looked and smelled amazing. By the time I got to eat (after wrangling tired children) everything was cold, but I still enjoyed the ribs.

My husband and I have been doing really well with our eating . . . until last week. It started with a tiny bowl of vanilla ice cream (the first processed sugar I’ve had in months) and escalated from there. As soon as I eat something with sugar I crave it. I know it’s addicting, and the reaction I’ve had over the past week has confirmed that fact. About thirty minutes after eating lunch on Saturday, I wanted to die. It hurt so bad! My stomach and entire digestive system was screaming at me, “Why have you been so nice, and then you go and do something mean like that?” It was mean, I’ll admit. My body has been really good to me over the past couple of months, and I should not have done it.

By the time we got home that evening, I was ready to pass out. I laid on the couch and didn’t move for a while. Then, in true addict form, I got up and found some cookies to eat (not in my house, at my in-laws)! On Sunday afternoon I was ill. Do we see a pattern here? I didn’t do much, and tried to just lay quietly on the couch and sleep. I should have learned my lesson, but no.

Memorial Day came on Monday. A holiday. A chance to hang out with family and do nothing but eat good food. We had hamburgers for lunch. I ate a couple of Cheetos. I had an ice cream sandwich for dessert. Two hours later . . . sick, sick, sick.

I don’t know why we do this to ourselves. Wait, I do know why. Because sugar/chemicals have a hold on us that is strong and hard to break. I want this blog to be a place where I can be honest about this experience and what it’s like. This post is to say that it’s not always easy and sometimes I give in. I’m not perfect, and I tend to crave things that aren’t good for me, just like everyone else. Since doing the juice fast it’s gradually gotten more difficult because I will randomly eat a bite of something sweet, or even a cracker or two. Those processed foods get into my system and make me sick every time. But my brain tricks me into thinking that I can still have them every once in a while.

Even though I know it will make me sick, sometimes I want a hamburger. Even though I know I will want to throw up later, it’s good in the moment. That is not healthy. When I have “given in” and eaten something that I regret, I try not to adopt the “Well, I’ve given in so I might as well just binge on everything in sight” attitude. I pick myself up, and start again in the morning with my green juice. It revives me every time, and helps me to stay focused. Eating clean is difficult because there are chemicals and additives in basically everything. They are hard to stay away from!

I have felt the glory of a chemical free body and know it’s achievable. It’s the greatest feeling (besides giving birth) to feel so alive and to have that much natural energy. I’m now working my way back after this crazy weekend. I want fruit and veggies and good healthy food. I know this won’t be the first time I will break down, but at least those times are very few and far between. I’m a work in progress! So don’t beat yourself up if you cheat or fail miserably for a day or two. Just start again. It is worth it to keep going.